by Lorraine Cink


OPRAH, arguably the most influential woman in America, has reportedly refused to have Sarah Palin on her show until after the election. The Florida Federation of Republican Women has imposed a national boycott encouraging members to stop watching Oprah and cancel O Magazine memberships (despite the fact that Democratic candidate, Joe Biden, has NOT been invited to appear on the show either). The boycott on ‘O’prah however has not affected sales. In fact ratings are up, only proving once again ‘bros before hoes’.

STOCK MARKET TROUBLES. The stock market is in a tizzy. Lehman Brothers is filing for bankruptcy, while Bank of America plans to buy Merrill Lynch. We don’t like to get too apocalyptic around MTN, but Bush-ville shanty days might be a-comin’. Just remember It’s A Wonderful Life: if everyone pulls their money out of the market now, Mr. Potter is going to collapse the whole bank... Mr. Potter being China.
THE F-BOMBS. The federal government is taking over big, fat mortgage companies: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, putting the government in $5 trillion of more debt… and you didn’t think being more broke was possible.
BIDEN ON THE OFFENSIVE. Nice guy, Sen. Joe Biden, is scheduled to go on the attack Monday against Sen. John McCain. Biden plans to make a completely new and original, never before heard argument… McCain ‘won’t bring change to Washington’. Way to get creative Joe.
SNL GENIUS. Tina Fey spot-fucking-on appearance as Gov. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live this weekend gave comedians everywhere hope that SNL doesn’t have to suck. The only conceivable upside to a McCain-Palin victory in November is the next four years of comedy fodder … perhaps it's not worth the collapse of our nation though...
IN MORE TRIVIAL NEWS: Apple (the crack dealer of the technological world) has released the new iPod Nano. This candy colored array of mp3 players allows you to play games by just moving your hand ala Wii and to shuffle music by literally shaking your iPod up and down. This coupled with new music playing software that mixes sweet-ass playlists for you and the addition of the iPod version of the evolutionary game, Spore, tech geeks everywhere are sure to look like turrets patients on their subway commutes.
THE F-BOMBS. The federal government is taking over big, fat mortgage companies: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, putting the government in $5 trillion of more debt… and you didn’t think being more broke was possible.
BIDEN ON THE OFFENSIVE. Nice guy, Sen. Joe Biden, is scheduled to go on the attack Monday against Sen. John McCain. Biden plans to make a completely new and original, never before heard argument… McCain ‘won’t bring change to Washington’. Way to get creative Joe.
SNL GENIUS. Tina Fey spot-fucking-on appearance as Gov. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live this weekend gave comedians everywhere hope that SNL doesn’t have to suck. The only conceivable upside to a McCain-Palin victory in November is the next four years of comedy fodder … perhaps it's not worth the collapse of our nation though...
IN MORE TRIVIAL NEWS: Apple (the crack dealer of the technological world) has released the new iPod Nano. This candy colored array of mp3 players allows you to play games by just moving your hand ala Wii and to shuffle music by literally shaking your iPod up and down. This coupled with new music playing software that mixes sweet-ass playlists for you and the addition of the iPod version of the evolutionary game, Spore, tech geeks everywhere are sure to look like turrets patients on their subway commutes.

-Lorraine blogs because she cares.
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