Gratuitous Political Lexicon

In our continuing mission to expand the understanding and knowledge of our readers, MTN has put together a quick reference lexicon translating what the candidates actually mean when they speak. MTN has formatted this quick guide so that is is easily printable, framable, tattoo-able, and scar-right-into-your-flesh-with-a-straight-razor-able.

"Change"
Democrats Mean: Instituting new policies directing Washington away from old and ineffective ones.
Republicans Mean: McCain instead of Bush

"Choice"
Democrats Mean: The ability to freely pick between a number of alternatives.
Republicans Mean: The ability to freely pick between what we tell you to do and jail.

"Freedom"
Democrats Mean: The ability to do what you want.
Republicans Mean: A state of being that is only achieved during wartime under a Republican Executive and Congress.

"Elite"
Democrats Mean: Most qualified; Educated; Experienced.
Republicans Mean: Smarter than me.

"Arrogant"
Democrats Mean: To act superior without just casue.
Republicans Mean: To be aware of being smarter than me.

"Slick"
Democrats Mean: The ability to avoid bad press.
Republicans Mean: To be smarter and more capable than me.

"God Bless America"
Democrats Mean: ... not much ...
Republicans Mean: To request that the great omnipotent, American, Republican deity give favor to those others of like convictions.

"Issues"
Democrats Mean: The problems which concern the majority of American voters.
Republicans Mean: Republicans don't actually use this word.

"Character"
Democrats Mean: The quality and merit of ones combined actions, words, and intentions.
Republicans Mean: A trait that is always, by default, better than any democrats, regardless of facts; More important than "Issues"

"Sexist"
Democrats Mean: Comments that are meant to belittle ones sex.
Republicans Mean: Anyone who asks Sarah Palin questions.