Friday, October 10, 2008

John McCain accused of 'palling around' with Sarah Palin.

by Michael Bouchard

In the past week laughable charges have come against Barack Obama by an ever-weakening Republican ticket. The charges claim Obama has or even had a close relationship with the Weather Underground's Bill Ayers. The Weather Underground being an organization that violently fought against government in the 1960's. Unsurprisingly, those allegations have been shown to be overwhelming false by any rational standard, the only connection having been that both served on an educational charity board in Chicago.

But in a head-spinning turnaround the Obama camp has accused McCain of 'palling around' with Sarah Palin. Palin being a recently unheard of anti-intellectual political figure who holds absurd anti-scientific views, and is a member of an extremist, fundamentalist church. Palin also not only has ties to, but is married to a former member of the Alaskan Independence Party. A treasonous group that despises America and wishes to secede from it. Palin is also a well known demagogue, and can be found lately stirring up hate mobs towards Obama that chant "treason", "terrorist" and one recorded instance of "off with his head" at her frequent speeches. Palin has yet to repudiate these chants when they occur.

The McCain campaign has issued a statement stating that "such accusations by the Obama campaign are exactly the kind of dirty politics that we repeatedly stated we wouldn't engage in at the start of our campaign". A spokesman who wished to remain anonymous also added later that Palin is a "looney-toons, political greenhorn that is the very antithesis of what McCain is and has been about: Experience, Reason and Character. The very suggestion that we would align ourselves with such a clearly inexperienced nutter is offensive."

But the Obama campaign didn't stop there. They quickly went after McCain's record of known associates in the Senate. Men, the Obama camp noted, that he worked with for many more years than Obama worked with Ayers. Senators such as Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond and Robert Byrd. While all were well known for their virulent racism, McCain not only worked with them, but joined the same party! Robert Byrd was a member of the terrorist organization Ku Klux Klan, Thurmond ran as a Dixiecrat in 1948 on a platform of segregation, and Helms' politically viewed African Americans as less than full Americans. Yet, McCain worked with these men much more closely that Obama ever worked with Ayers. Such racist influences also seem to make sense of the McCain campaigns sudden love of Obama's middle name "Hussein."

After we add the unstable character of Palin to this who's who of unhinged republicans, clearly by McCain's own standards and actions his character must be called into question and he must be charged as a "racist" immediately without further questioning or benefit of the doubt. McCain, as he gives no better, would surely expect no better. Tragically though, all McCain has run on is his character. This leaves him with nothing else to run on as he has clearly shown he doesn't wish to talk about any 'issues'. Sadly, this is a strong indicator that he is not only unfit to lead, but that his selfish attempt to do so reveals an unwillingness to put his country first.

-MICHAEL BOUCHARD is sad to see McCain forced by his own words to resign.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tonight’s Second Presidential Debate Drinking Game

by Lorraine Cink

In honor of tonight's 2nd Presidential Debate, Mostly True News brings you a very special way to enjoy your political awareness: with drinking!!!

The Rules:

1. Start with a waterfall that begins as Tom Brokaw, moderator, explains the debate proceedings.

2. Every time John McCain mentions Sarah Palin take a drink (if he goes the whole debate without saying her name and is praying no one remembers that she’s his running mate, take a shot of tequila).

3. Take three drinks if McCain smiles with his mouth, but looks like he is going to kill someone with his eyes.

4. Waterfall every time Tom Brokaw says his or either candidate’s name.
5.  Take a drink whenever you see/hear:
-“Big Business”
-McCain’s rebuttal begins with anything about Obama’s inexperience
-"Trillion Dollars"
-Obama calls McCain “John”
-Whenever a candidate interrupts the other.
-“Wall Street/ Main Street”
-Anyone makes an awkward joke.
-Obama equates McCain to Bush.
-“Osama Bin Laden” (if you see Osama Bin Laden, start looking for a 3rd party candidate)
-“God” (if you see God, chug the rest of your beer).

6.  Take a shot if:
-anyone ever calls Obama “Osama” by mistake.
-John McCain looks Barack Obama directly in the eye when he speaks.
-If McCain says the word "maverick" you must take a shot and then stand-up and say, "Yeehaw, Mother Fucker!!!"
-If Obama makes any reference to McCain's age, take a shot and sing the chorus to Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young".

Watch CNN’s Fact Check for an after party blow out!

You will need to take a shot for every wrong ‘fact’ from either candidate.   If your candidate’s opponent is wrong, after each shot you must stand-up, shake your ass and say “Awwwww, yeeeeeaaaaaah!  Booyakasha!”

--Lorraine would like you not to die of alcohol poisoning until after voting season.

Monday, October 6, 2008


By Michael Bouchard

I've watched both debates now and I'm getting a feel for how the strategy works when you're in a debate for the President. I want to pass this onto you, our readers, so that when you are up on stage running for the highest or second highest office in the land of the United States of America, making decisions for millions of Americans, you too can take advantage of these tactics.

1) Talk about the fact that you've been everywhere. No matter what your voting record is, even if you've voted against the betterment of any country, it won't matter if you ceaselessly repeat that you've shortly visited those places (protected by bodyguards).

2) Talk about things you did a long time ago. Because if you did something even arguably right 30 years ago, you can use that long ago, irrelevant decision and equate it to an everlasting correctness in whatever you're proposing now and will ever possibly in the future, no matter how inane your proposals actually are.

3) Wink. I just learned this. Apparently, people think you better understand any matter that effects millions of people and the rest of the world, when you wink at them.

4) Don't say anything. Talk a lot about things people will simply agree with. "We need to be good people" is a comment that no one will disagree with. Continue to hammer on things that are no-brainers and no one can say that you screwed up. Just hope that no one notices that you haven't actually said anything of substance.

5) Don't answer questions. FUCK QUESTIONS. Who needs them? All questions do are force you to answer what you're asked. And that is fascist. Instead, you should refuse to answer what you're asked and talk about whatever the hell it is you want to. Doing so shows that you're a "maverick" and that you won't be held down by things like "questions". You won't let the evil liberal media pin you down with "gotcha" lines like, "What newspapers or magazines do you read?"; an obvious ploy to get you to say something that your handlers haven't prepared you to say. (Questions are to be avoided even more when it is your very competency that is in question. Nothing will undermine your claim of being qualified more than giving answers that are filled with substance.)

6) Talk about your family. Anyone who has given birth(a very small number apparently), is qualified to lead or co-lead of the ‘free’ world.

7) Memorize things. No matter what happens, if you repeat what you've been told, people will be impressed. I know this for a fact. As an actor, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked: "How do you memorize all those lines?", I wouldn't be writing for a political comedy blog right now. I’d be taking a money bath.

8) Lower the expectations. If prior to your debate you repeatedly show that you lack the ability to think thoughts and then put those thoughts into words, it will be that much easier to defy expectations when it turns out that you do have that ability. Somewhat.

9) If all else fails, lean on the other people around you to say what a good job you did, regardless of what a bad job you did.

-MICHAEL BOUCHARD is winking at you right now.