Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Liberal Media

As a young, college educated, multi-ethnic, progressive, ACLU supporting, militantly atheist, baby eating, reality based liberal blogger; I get asked a few questions. As for the answer to most frequently asked question: no I'm not jewish (but I do save the blood of christian babies as I'm told by infallible sources that jews use it in rituals.)

To answer the second most popular question: Babies taste best when cooked with the hearts of adorable kittens wrapped in pages of the bible, grilled over a bed of difficult questions... gives it that liberal flavor.

But lets get to the nitty gritty here: to my mind, the most important question is rarely being asked. That being: "Is the media liberal enough?" To which I heartily answer "NO." And more than that, the present Liberal element that does exist isn't Liberal enough either.

I know this is a shocking statement to make. We hear all the time about how the Liberal media is treating our leaders badly by asking them questions, (and even having the gall to expect answers!) but it should be a clear tip-off to anyone who's functional eyes and ears are not tightly lodged in their anus. This isn't the message we'd hear all the time, if we were immersed in a Liberal media. There are a few other things we'd expect to if we were dominated by such a media that we don't currently.

First off: answers. We don't get those, do we? It's even gotten so bad that our "Liberal media" can't even manage to ask questions to the republican V.P. candidate. And call me "reality based", but I have a hard time believing that you're going to get any answers without those terribly progressive things called "questions".

Next up: Criticism. Apparently, this vicious "Liberal media" can't even get away with pointing out the obvious fact that the Republican V.P. Candidate is not qualified for the position without being labeled as a "sexist". If someone points out that the Republican Presidential Candidate is bold-faced lying, the Candidate is usually accused of engaging in "dirty" politics. Ask about something on the, laughably termed, "100 percent provable" side of things, and you're scorned as part of the "reality based community."

Lastly: Reality. We obviously have none of that in our media as of present. If we did we would expect to see a few indicators of the publics attention to it. As of this posting, the Presidential race is in a statistical dead heat. This fact is set beside the equally dreary truth that our country is being run by a President with the lowest approval rating of all time. Moreover, his would-be successor is proposing policies that are for all intents and purposes exactly the same. And yet, we are in a statistical dead heat? So, either the ‘Liberal media’ is totally ineffective and useless at convincing people of its message, or there is, instead, a "Conservative media", that can convince half the country which hates certain policies, that these policies are actually exactly what they want.

So, I'll conclude this commentary with three other observations (I choose three observations because "three is comedy" and in such situations as these, if you don't laugh, you'll kill someone):

One is, a "well duh" inducing statement: there is no "Liberal media", that you hear mythical stories about from Conservatives. Two, there is instead a Conservative media, and that is why you only hear about a “Liberal media”. And three, in order to deal with this simple logic, Liberals need to grow some balls and stop taking shit and acting like political sissies. If they won't use HIllary's balls, then they can borrow mine.

-Michael Bouchard has balls the size of California. Screw Texas.

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